"How Could You Leave Me?" by Shelly Schiner Gillmann, 8/98

To the tune of "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" by Allen Sherman

Hello Richard... Hello Shelly
Why'm I locked up? Can you tell me?
Don't you find me... entertaining?
I can sit and stay and heel and more with training.

Canine Wardens... all hate doggies.
And the cats get... all the goodies.
There's no cookies... There's no biscuits.
We're left all alone to stand in our own piss here.

All the Sheep Dogs... try to herd us.
The Chihuahua's... acting nervous.
And the Pointer's... looking funny,
While the Pit Bull's asking for protection money.

I don't want that... this should scare ya,
But my bunkmate... wants to marry me.
He's a Mastiff... His name is "Baby."
I'm expecting 14 puppies all with Rabies.

Take me home... I hate this place
Oh take me home... I'll lick your faces.

Don't...
Leave me...
Caged in this kennel...
Where...
I won't...
Get treats again for years.

Take me home... I promise I won't
Bark or howl
Or dig or shed
Or bite or growl

Oh please
don't make me stay
I've been
here
seven days.

****************************************

So here I am now... in this kennel
That Guitar Camp... It's perennial.
I'd get your slippers... Bring you sti-icks.
But instead you'd rather learn to hold guitar picks.

Wait a minute... (You're here) to get me.
Gonna walk me... Gonna pet me.
Anticipating... I feel better.
Take me home and kindly disregard this letter.


Back To Shelly's Page